Rocket robber barons

Teletoon Retro, a digital cable channel comprised of predictable animation reruns that launched last October, sounds like the greatest example of how a corporation can succeed in modern mainstream media without really trying. What other type of programming could be more recession-proof, trend-proof, demographic-proof, controversy-proof and technology-proof? That is, even if Canadian Content regulations necessitate airing Rocket Robin Hood (pictured) five times a day. While the American equivalent, Boomerang, has struggled to find its way into homes, Teletoon Retro boasts of being available to five million Canadians. A joint venture of Astral Media and Corus Entertainment, its success was touted as a bright spot by both companies during third-quarter earnings calls this week.

And what better way to spend a hazy summer's day than listening online to beleaguered media executives prostrating blindfolded before financial analysts lined up for interrogation via conference call. Astral and Corus were two such firms stting their cases this week, amidst a climate that has found media stocks plummeting across the continent — none to as dramatic degree as Canwest Global Communications.

“Canwest stock is undervalued,” read the virtual PowerPoint presented by president and CEO Leonard Asper, whose share price dipped in a year from around $10 to just over $2. What he offers in the family firm’s defense is the opportunity “to integrate content across all platforms, and achieve cost efficiencies.” Just don’t dwell on the fact that many of those involve newsprint.

Planned for this fall is a re-launch of the local websites that the late Izzy Asper acquired from Conrad Black — and then promptly walled off to non-subscribers. Going forward, the hope is that hyper-local online advertising will invigorate the sector, by going after smaller businesses long intimidated by broadsheets.

Requirements to produce invariably bland local television, on the other hand, are among the things Leonard Asper is good at grousing about — like being expected to produce a certain amount of diluted Canadian drama. “It reflects a time when there were three channels splitting the pie three ways,” he said, “rather than 300 ways.” And with their acquisition of 13 specialty channels last year from Alliance Atlantis, Canwest are determined to make fruit filling out of flaky crust.

Regulatory reform is the golden ticket, asserts Asper. And, with every indication that the last people watching television the old-fashioned way will be very, very old, Canwest continues to push for the freedom to air the same kind of pharmaceutical commercials that keep stodgy American news shows ticking.

“There’s a commercial for Viagra on CNN and they tell you exactly what it is,” Asper told analysts. “And on a Canadian channel, there’s a guy jumping around, and they don’t tell you anything.” The flaccid Canwest stock subsequently jumped a bit.

Based on the Wednesday earnings call from Corus, there’s less money to be made from virile men. While the company established itself as the main player for the male audience in Toronto radio — owning former rivals 102.1 The Edge and Q107 — a desire by advertisers to reach women is cutting into profits.

Blame the revelation that females have on buying behaviour, explained Corus president and CEO John Cassaday: “I only half-jokingly talk about the fact that in my family, growing up as a kid, it was not uncommon for my dad to come home and say, ‘Hey, come on and look at what’s in the driveway; brand new car.’ Well, there’s nobody stupid enough to do that anymore.”

Cassaday also lamented the fact that Teletoon has lost the Canadian rights to Family Guy, which he described as “an important show.” But they are pinning hopes on Cosmopolitan Television, a digital network based on the bawdy magazine.

"What we're trying to do we call 'weed and feed',” said Cassaday. “That is, weed out costs where we can, and feed investment into the business where we think we can accelerate growth." Corus stock bounced a few notches above its 52-week low in response.

Astral, freshly flush with radio stations acquired from Standard Broadcasting, had their turn before investors on Thursday, reporting a 21 per cent rise in quarterly profit. Future plans for the AM/FM stations remain a closely guarded secret, though — for Toronto, where they own Newstalk 1010 CFRB, 97.3 EZ Rock and 99.9 MIX-FM, no comment was offered save for a rather cryptic claim that they’re still waiting on “a certain component to come together.”

The other economic boost to Astral in Toronto as been winning the 20-year street furniture contract, giving the company license to claim they will be the least impacted by changing consumption patterns of the kind of media that people can choose to switch off. Outdoor advertising revenue jumped this year by 39 per cent.

But the softness in radio advertising was cited as a main factor in Astral shares slipping to their lowest level in four years. Mercifully, the barely-animated Rocket Robin Hood will at least be occasionally replaced on Teletoon Retro this fall by episodes of Fraggle Rock.


scroll@eyeweekly.com

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