A number of “high-end” burger joints have cropped up around Toronto over the past few years, touting various reasons why their product is worth paying extra for — from having all-natural and organic patties, to just doing things right. Although a few of them do put out a fairly decent sandwich (such as the South St. Burger Company, a surprisingly good New York Fries offshoot), the response from the dining community concerning these places has been, pretty much, one big collective “whatever.” Spout off any pretentious phony-baloney you want, a mediocre burger is still just a mediocre burger. And unlike certain other culinary delights, such as a properly made risotto or cassoulet, everybody recognizes a good beef round when they eat it.

The criteria for judging this “dish” is, after all, pretty simple. A good burger will be moist and juicy, whether cooked to a snobbish medium-rare or a health inspector–friendly medium-well. It will come on a soft, toasted bun (but not so soft as to disintegrate into a mushy mess before the end of the meal). And it shall not require molars of iron to chew through. That’s it, end of story. All other considerations — such as fancy-schmancy toppings, or whether the cow your meal came from was pampered night and day, chowing down on tasty grass and receiving sake rub-downs by skilled bovine masseuses, from birth to table — are secondary.

On this basis, Stampede Bison Grill — which set up shop near Queen West on Brock about two months ago — passes with mostly flying colours. Its beef burger ($4.50) pretty much fits the description above, which is to say it’s quite good (and at six ounces, also filling). And the bison version ($4.75), though slightly drier, does indeed deliver on the menu’s promise of being “sweeter” and “richer” in flavour. At a measly four grams of fat per portion though, you may want to top it up with some aged cheddar or smoked bacon ($95 cents per) — unless, of course, you’re one of those health-conscious, waistline-watching freaks. Chicken on a bun ($5) is also not bad, with a plump, fair-sized breast that really shines when topped with avocado and bacon in the club option ($6.50).

Of course, burger shops are not assessed by their sandwiches alone. They also need to have good fries, which, unfortunately, Stampede doesn’t. The side order we’re served ($2.25) comes limp, under-seasoned and with the overall consistency of wet cardboard. This proves particularly disastrous to the poutine ($3.95), a mound of “real Quebecois” cheese curds unable to overcome the tepid, tasteless veggie gravy and poorly executed spud sticks it adorns. Until they figure this one out, you’d do better to order the Caesar ($3.50) instead, which is respectable enough, or their perfectly serviceable onion rings ($3). The roast bison on a bun ($5.50) is also somewhat disappointing, with thick slices of chewy meat in a sauce that manages to completely obliterate the bun only half way through. (Advice: if you’re going to describe something as shaved, shave it razor thin, not the width of a ruler. It makes a big difference.)

At the end of the day, it’s the drink selection that manages to take Stampede over the “OK” line and into the “good” section. Lemonade ($2) squeezed within sight of the cash and hand-scooped milkshakes ($3.50) add fun to the experience, which is what a burger shop should be. Go ahead, tell us all about how your meat is raised naturally, without the use of growth hormones and stimulants and animal by-products, or about your dedication to serving a good, quality product — but keep it light. The hamburger, after all, did originate at a fair. Judging from the jovial atmosphere of the patio as we pass by one Friday night (when they’re open till 3am), this is something that the Stampede Bison Grill grasps already.