I grew up in America, but my parents are from Tanzania and have always wanted me to end up with an African. I am 22 and have been in a relationship with a wonderful white guy for five months. They feel that an African would understand me more than a white, or even black westerner would. I told my dad about him a month into the relationship because I promised to tell him when I started dating. At first he seemed fine but now he tells me statistics about how interracial relationships do not last. He tells me that interracial children are ugly and do not adjust well in society. To my sister, he says my boyfriend is using me for money and has jungle fever. I have told him if he’s so worried, he should meet the guy, but he says he can only meet him if I want to marry him. I don’t really want to marry anyone, but it is serious. It hurts when my dad says that it is jungle fever and it makes me unsure. I love my boyfriend, he is absolutely amazing in every way and treats me so well. Any suggestions? HELP!
I love how people bring up divorce statistics, as though divorces are unequivocally disastrous and not, as they are in so many cases, a triumph. Still, let’s look at these statistics your father is misrepresenting (ones that are very popular on white supremacist websites). According to them, interracial relationships don’t last as long. As for children of mixed-race couples being homely outcasts, dear lord, all children are ugly and boring except to their parents. The problem is that you are 22, five months into a relationship and already worrying about kids when you should be sitting in a park reading each other poetry.
If many of our parents had it their way, we would only date people of their choosing, but if we’re going to start flinging narrow-minded racial epithets around, then, we are all aware of the African potential for money grubbing, too — YOUR URGENT REPLY REQUESTED — so this quality is not unique to white westerners. Anyone can dig up examples of unattractive stereotypes and parents are particularly adept at this when trying to disapprove of their kids’ behaviour. Back in the ’80s, when I was wearing meticulously tattered jeans, my mother would yell at me (in front of everyone), “I read somewhere you can get a cold on your crotch!”
Even if your relationship ends because of insurmountable cultural differences (for example, my boyfriend is from Brampton and I am from Montreal and we often argue about the way to pronounce “both.” He says “bolth.” Ultimately I will leave him over it) it is the quality of your time together now that’s significant, not its unforeseeable length. Having fun? Getting along? Enjoy yourselves. You’ll be bickering before you know it.
Here Come the Warm Jets (of Semen?)
When I’m doing my boyfriend up the ass doggy style, he seems to ejaculate from the butt — white stuff almost literally squirts out of his bum! What’s up with that? He says it’s never happened to him before, but it seems to happen quite frequently, when I have sex with him. I can tell when its about to happen because it feels all foamy inside almost like a volcano exploding! Am I a really good fuck, does my mate have a very unique part in his rectum and do we have a chance of making it on Oprah? VOLCANO BOY
Oprah no. Robin Byrd, absolutely. I did find a reference to abundant anal discharge in Jack Morin’s book Anal Pleasure and Health. Here is the quote: “A few people become so moist that no extra lubrication is required even for anal intercourse, although this is rarely the case. It is not known if the amount of anal secretion is related to how sexually excited the person is.” If you’re still curious, a trip to a urologist would give more insight.
Love Bits
Anyone interested in the lives of street-level drug users and sex workers should see Bevel Up, directed by Nettie Wild, at Hot Docs (last screening April 25, 4:15pm, Innis Town Hall). What urban dwellers know about these communities often involves neighbourhood vigilante groups and harrowing news stories about the spiral into addiction and prostitution. In Vancouver, the Outreach Street Nurse Program works in intimate contact with these folks, administering blood tests and STD treatment in alleys, hotels and parks. Since so many people who live and work on the street are snubbed by the traditional healthcare system (they’re often told, even when they have broken a bone, that they are only accessing care “for the drugs”) this is a rational way of reaching — and reaching out to — them.
The quick wit and complex personalities stand in stirring contrast to so many previous depictions; footage of one sex worker named Lee getting a syphilis injection in her ass in the back of a van while holding her electric blue wig and singing “Joy to the World” is priceless and I dare you not to get a huge crush on Caroline Brunt, the featured nurse. I got my hands on a copy that includes a teaching manual and hours more of interviews with the nurses and other relevant professionals. This film, essential for healthcare workers and sex-worker orgs, is available through www.nfb.ca/store.
EMAIL SASHA AT SASHA@EYEWEEKLY.COM OR SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO SASHA C/O EYE WEEKLY, 625 CHURCH ST, 6TH FL, TORONTO, M4Y 2G1.