When you’re part of a captive audience — say, a malleable young frosh venturing out with your first tentative baby steps at university — the entertainment proffered to you as an initiation activity might just reflect who you’re rubbing shoulders with on campus. Here’s an overview of the diversions provided for incoming students on some of the GTA’s most active university and college campuses. Some events have already taken place, but the folks behind the big blowout at York this week are trying to make sure that last equals best. Or maybe, um, most liable to catalyze first-week make-outs?
YORK
Who: Stars, Ruby Coast, Sweet Thing, Trainlight, DJ Knoxx.
When/Where: “The Centre for Excellence, Rexall Centre” (a.k.a. York Campus, The Boonies), Sept. 16, 7pm.
Target demographic: Idealistic, easily startled cultural studies majors who watch Gossip Girl on the sly and quote Death Cab For Cutie lyrics to suggest their mood over Twitter.
Appropriate beverage: POMtinis, Kool-Aid and vodka, Corona
Hook-up potential: Heavy hand-holding, mass swaying, covert pecks captured on cellphone cameras and immortalized on Facebook.
U OF T
Who: Tokyo Police Club, Cadence Weapon, Basia Bulat.
When/Where: Back campus (Hoskins and St. George), Sept. 5.
Target demographic: Sardonic philosophy and lit-theory majors who party hard (albeit responsibly), secretly long to be Pitchfork contributors (but shit-talk the site while stoned) and take Adderall to write their Foucault papers.
Appropriate beverage: Sparks, Paris Hilton mini-champagne.
Hook-up potential: Overzealous fist-pumping during a particularly clever Cadence zinger is highly likely to turn into mutual groping; since back campus is spitting distance from most residences, mutual groping with Sparks lubrication could easily become a shameful one-night stand!
HUMBER
Who: k-os, Fito Blanko, Girl Talk, Sebastien Grainger, more.
When/Where: North Campus amphitheatre (way out near the airport), Sept. 8-10.
Target demographic: A range, based on the array of entertainment: k-os for the J-school nerds who enjoy non-threatening urban-tinged music and righteous indignation; Girl Talk for pasty vloggers who make their own mash-ups; Fito Blanko for beefy dudes and chicks who dig suburban reggaeton clubs.
Appropriate beverage: Rum, Steamwhistle + PBR for Girl Talk.
Hook-up potential: A lot of bromancing for the most part, but Fito Blanko could inspire some steamy grinding.
RYERSON
Who: Kardinal Offishall, Zaki Ibrahim, Thunderheist, Team Canada DJs, Supreme Soul dancers, Gilson Lubin.
When/Where: Olympic Island, after a meandering parade down Yonge, Sept. 5.
Target demographic: Aspiring documentarians whose older siblings were totally into that “Northern Touch” single back in the day; underage arts-camp alumni who’ve used forged IDs to get into Top 40 clubs; leggings fans who like dancing.
Appropriate beverage: Heineken, Red Stripe, Rev.
Hook-up potential: Major. The island after dark is second only to the Peach Pit After Dark in terms of, uh, ambiance. Or at least in terms of hidden nooks and crannies for romancin’ purposes.