Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Personal situations that have seemed vague for far too long come to light in the glow of the full moon on the 18th, Cancer. Either that or it just becomes really obvious what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t show up at your birthday party.

Famous Canadians born this week:
Molly Parker (actor, July 17, pictured)
Donald Sutherland (actor, July 17)
Jack Layton (politician, July 18)
Atom Egoyan (director, July 19)
Sandra Oh (actor, July 20)
Marshall McLuhan (media theorist, July 21)
Norman Jewison (director, July 21)
Alex Trebek (game show host, July 22)

 

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Would it make you terribly suspicious if I suggested that things are just generally going so smoothly you can take this week off obsessing and worrying and just enjoy the 4 million–degree heat, the smell of rotting garbage and the broken-down-transit that signifies dog days of July? I mean, really, what better time to sit back and savour the moment?

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
Virgo is in a time of abundance, which would generally be a good thing if you were not in the middle of a truly epic infestation of kitchen ants. Try to look at the positive side and be inspired by their resilience. All 250,000 examples of it.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)
If there were ever a time to acknowledge your true identity and proclaim it to the world, it is now, Libra. Whether you’re finally admitting your latent homosexuality or simply copping to a crippling dislike for the colour yellow, it’s time you let the people around you know who you are so they can stop fag-bashing and painting everything mustard.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
People are turning to Scorpio’s vision and mystique this week — some are turning more to the vision, others more to the mystique, depending on how desperate they are to deny their hand in their own sadness. Set ’em straight by being prescient and oblique all at the same time, just like you are whenever anyone comes to you for fucking clarity.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
The minor, finer points of negotiating your gradual ascension to world dominance slow you down a bit this week, Sagittarius. But only until you realize you can just have your slaves take care of all that.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You might feel like you have an undue amount of sway over others this week, Capricorn. That’s just us humouring you because we can tell you have low self-esteem.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Taking stock of priorities is easy for the narcissistic Aquarius, who likes to paw through his memory box and re-evaluate the past and present constantly as if they were in some kind of fair fight. Generally your forward trajectory has been good, though, so stop undermining it by comparing your poor innocent acupuncturist to your girlfriend from nine years ago.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)
Endure just a little longer, Pisces, and you’ll find that the rest of the summer is going to unravel itself elegantly like the flaxen-haired braid of a princess, yielding to your every fantasy wish. Well, possibly not every fantasy wish. Possibly you might just get to keep summer hours one or two Fridays this month.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Don’t let that full moon fever get you all cranked outta control, Aries — there’s still a lot of work left to be done before you can rest easy that everyone you’re in league with isn’t actually trying to edge you out for a bigger share of the profits. Though since in this case the profits are in a rapidly declining currency held in offshore accounts, it’s just as well.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
No one ever accused you of being a closed book, Taurus, nor will they this week when you decide to spew all sorts of personal travails at anyone who will listen — coffee barista, the Canadian Tire clerk, a homeless guy. As it turns out, the homeless guy really cares.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
There’s nothing like confronting your true feelings to really allow the wheat and chaff to duke it out. This week you’ll say more than you expected to, but less than you wish you had — this should provide therapy fodder for at least the next couple of weeks before you go back to denying what inconveniences you.

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